I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
