nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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