I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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