Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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