we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
