I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
