Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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