She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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