nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
