if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she woke up with a sticky ear
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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