I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
