oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
