I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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