She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
