I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
