So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
