Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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