Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
