This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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