He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
