we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
