I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
