ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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