All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
