Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
