The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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