It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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