You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
