So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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