i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
