Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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