who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
