If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
