it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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