Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
