shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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