i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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