the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
