did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
