Already got asked if we're dating
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
