that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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