A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
