I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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