i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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