this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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