i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
