How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
