dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
