PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
