If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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