Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
